Tag: Marriage and Relationship Coaching

Taming my Angry Inner Child

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I do okay until He shows up.  He is my angry, street fighter 14-year-old self.  He shows up in a rage, demanding to be heard, insisting he is right, and demanding control. He wants to hurt and punish you for how you have caused me to feel.

When I started to be able to identify that 14-year old in me and name him as an entity that is separate from my current self, then I could begin to deal with him.  He is me from the past and is about the past hurts and insults and shame that I endured.  He gets triggered by things in the present but it feels like my past.  What do I do with him when he shows up? Read more

Do You Long to Feel Significant?

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A number of scholars and authors have written about our primary human needs. Perhaps the most well-known is Abraham Maslow who wrote about the hierarchy of needs. Another related framework that I find useful is described by Chloe Madanes in her book Relationship Breakthrough. This framework of core need has also been used by Anthony Robbins in his teaching and coaching. According to Madanes, the premise of human needs psychology is that each individual is a self-determined entity able to make choices about how to get his or her needs met. Biology, chemistry, and early life experiences are all influences that we can choose or refuse to be effected by.

In order to make conscious choices about meeting our needs we need to have some level of self-awareness. I used the following simple exercise from my book, Date Night Conversations, with some clients and it led to some surprising revelations: Read more